Devil's Tattoo
by Katanarama
Summary: Axel, a sexual fiend, finally meets with his neighbor, Blondie- er Roxas! The whole day left him wanting a little more.
1. Dark Chocolate and Sour Gummy Worms

**A/N: **Oh hay guys! So it's late and I didn't really feel like writing on _Stockholm Syndrome_ and was about to go to bed UNTIL this lovely song came played on my iPod and gave me a badass idea *takes vicious inhale* and now I'm producing this stereotypical AkuRoku fanfiction that might or might not turn out awesome.

Whoo, what a run on sentence. Anyway, yes. New story idea, it will be awesome and full of perverted innuendos, because that's just what I do best. Can you tell I'm excited? I'm totally excited for this- this short chapter... thing. I'm not good at writing long chapters. This was originally going to be a one shot, but 1) I'm getting sleepy and I have school tomorrow and 2) long chapters aren't really my thanggggg~ So, here is the first chapter and I hope you like it as much as I do.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts, but if I did you'd see a lot of chain smoking, cussing, and tight pants.

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><p>"You do know I have no romantic interest in you, right?" Axel put bluntly, cocking a brow and flicking a cigarette onto the ground outside of his apartment. It was top floor, not the best, but hey, you couldn't hear anyone's footsteps. He sauntered over to a red head girl who was shaking with emotions and staring off at the sky, facing away from him. "To be honest, you're kind of young and sometimes it feels like I'm fucking my sister."<p>

"You know what! You've probably already done that!" Kairi stamped her foot. Axel raised his red eyebrows. They matched his hair, which did not come in a bottle. Axel was always down to show proof, if you did something for him in return. He had a lean figure, tall as a skyscraper, and a sharp face to match his wit.

"Probably right," he chuckled and bent down to tie his shoe, "if I had one, but I don't. I only have a brother, his name is Reno. But, under circumstances, I probably fuck him too." Axel giggled as Kairi stormed towards the steps, and then suddenly realized something. "Wait! Kairi! Wait right there!" He held up a pointer finger and made a mad dash into his apartment, coming back outside within seconds.

"I'm not going to forgive you for what you just did!" She held her shoulders high and sashayed away, thinking she just made a dent in Axel's oh-so-tough emotional wall.

"Forgive me? Haha, I just meant to say you forgot ya undies!" He tossed a wadded up pink ball towards Kairi, who jumped in surprised and scrambled to catch them. "Come back anytime doll! I'm made for love!" Axel called from the balcony in the outer hallway of his apartment complex. It was accompanied by a nice pelvic thrust toward the direction of a disgruntled Kairi, angrily searching for the key to open her car door and get as far away from the maniac as possible. The nice elderly woman from building C, which was located across the street, stood there with her pint sized dog. She seemed unable to process what exactly went on, but she got the gist of it.

"Hey Mrs. Alberdeen!" Axel waved enthusiastically, "Want to come in for some coffee or something?" He gripped the railing, hands far apart, and crossed his legs while waiting for her reply, a reply in which Mrs. Alberdeen shuffled nervously (and partially disgusted), into her apartment with her little dog tucked in the nook of her arm, hiding for dear purity.

Axel kicked off his shoes right after his butt touched the surface of his worn-in sofa. He pulled out his phone, and beside the contact titled 'Kairi', he put a question mark, symbolizing that for the next couple weeks she wasn't the best to call if he needed to, you know, have some sweet, sweet sexual satisfaction. Axel smirked, remembering the late night radio station with the DJ called '_Dark Chocolate'_ in which he obtained that reference from. R&B and Soul weren't really Axel's interest in music, per say, but he did love himself some _Dark Chocolate_, both candy and DJ.

The red head soon figured out that there was nothing on TV besides some weird reality shows and men with spray on tans and plastered hair reporting the so called _news._ The market was walking distance, and the market did contain sour gummy worms. Yes, gummy worms, those jelly worms sprinkled to perfection with sour crystals that the red head enjoyed eating oh so much. It was official, now he needed some gummy worms or he was not going to be able to do anything besides think about gummy worms. Slipping on his creepers, he was so close to escaping the complex hallway until something tugged on his jacket. Axel slowly turned around with an intense glare in the corner of his eye. These are the words playing through his mind:

"Who the fuck is interrupting me on my vicious rampage of obtaining my sweet babies of sugary delight?"

It turned out to be that one short boy that he could hardly remember the name of. Randal? Ross? Well, time to enforce plan B.

"Hey kid, what do you want?" _Nailed it_, Axel chuckled to himself. He was a genius mastermind of genius. And he sort of felt like saying genius a couple more times. Genius. Genius. Genius.

"I would like you to stop yelling at your girlfriends or whatever those random females storming out of your house are, that would be highly appreciated." The blonde stated through his small mouth. Everything about him was small, all except his eyes and his hair. Those were very large. And, Axel was feeling imaginative, maybe his penis. He didn't know. He wasn't really that into guys.

"Oh really blondie?" Axel leaned an arm on the wall beside him, "what are you so busy doing? Can't be college work, you're like what, 16, at most?"

"I'm 18, " he retorted sharply, "and I'm trying to do a research paper that decides whether I get into college or not. So if you don't mind, keep your brothel a little quieter." Brothel? Axel wasn't running a brothel. That'd be a good choice of career for him, free sex for himself and profit for others. He'd be okay with that. He could see it now:

Axel Amon: Brothel Owner

"So if you don't mind," Oh yeah, this kid was still talking, "Axel, right? If you were to shut up with the constant moaning, grunting, and yelling, I could get into college, get a nice job, and then I'll move. Then you can continue on with all the breeding you want."

"One, Blondie-"

"It's Roxas" Ha! So that was his name.

"Alright one, _Rox-ass, _I do not moan. That would be the vicious amount of lovely females that come into my apartment moaning. And two, you probably sit in your house at nice, listening to all those lovely ladies moan, and wish you could do the same thing, right? Did I get cha?" Axel leaned in closer and chuckled. It was almost like he had to bend over; the height difference was of staggering amount.

"Oh yes, I imagine myself being a player with bunches of _women, _because I love _women." _Each time Roxas said the world 'women' it was like he spat venom, "Because being gay entails me getting a bunch of _women._"

"Gay? I've never tried that before." Axel's smile curved sadistically.

"Go fuck yourself." Roxas said, closing the door to his apartment.

"I have a brothel, remember!" Axel liked this kid. He pondered whether or not to invest in the friendship between him and Roxas, or just dump it completely down the drain while walking to get those tiny orgasmic treats called sour gummy worms. Or,"_Sour Gummy Worms of Love"_ Dark Chocolate would say.

**llllllllll**

Axel did what he did best, which was waste time. He decided maybe going back home when that vicious demon called 'Roxas' was out on the prowl wasn't the best idea. Axel could probably kick his ass with one hand tied behind his back, but who wants to beat up someone who looks like they are in high school? So, he preoccupied his time wisely by sitting on the curb in front of King Video, and then going inside of this terrible, run down video store, and checking out the worst and cheesiest horror movie he could manage to find. King Video was pretty famous for having bad movies, and bad movies were Axel's favorite. You know, next to gummy worms, sex, and currently bitchy blondes. And yes, those were in order. Axel also managed to pick up a few looks from the female attendants of the video store. The red head was suave with his spikey hair, tight pants, oversized shoes, and all over all nice sense of style. Who didn't like a bad boy? Oh that's right, no one.

He had wasted just about an hour walking around and the sunset was dead. The maintenance crew at his apartment's that claimed to be 'under paid' but really just sat on the swing sets smoking cigarettes and talking about that one reality show that Axel flipped through previously, practically refused to change the light bulbs in the street lamps. This made Axel an unhappy camper, having to wind around the opposing obstacles of cars and that's about it. He made it into his apartment alleyway, corridor, or whatever you wanted to call it. He wasn't up to date on the correct building terms.

"_Nngh, Vanitas, not so rough~" _

Axel's ears perked up like a cat. Was that who he thought it was? That sadistic smile crept across his face as he leaned closer to the bitchy blondes door. They were probably on the couch.

"_Fuck Vanitas, Ahh" _ Oh, it was, it totally was. It was mister 'Shut-up-you-brothel-owner-I'm-trying-to-get-some-work-done'.

Who's the brothel owner now, bitch?

Which gave Axel the other thought of:

_Maybe he could work at my brothel doubling business because it now appeals to gay men._

Either was Axel was going to win.

After Axel preceded to dance around the outside of his new found neighbor's door, he stopped to think for a second. If Roxas was gay, that meant he liked men. That was obvious. Axel was a man. Axel found himself oddly wondering what Roxas looked like when he moaned. Was he top? Was he bottom? The red head must find out to quench his fascination for this sarcastic fellow.

It was official. Axel was going to get into Roxas' little pants.

The red head lit a cigarette and imagined a standing ovation for himself, the mastermind genius love god of a man, as he walked into his apartment.

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><p><strong>AN: **And Viola! That was it. Interested in the song? _Beat the __Devil's Tattoo _by Black Rebel Motorcycle Club.

What'd you think? Tell me, tell me, tell me.

Love you guys!


	2. A Naked Kairi and Orange Juice

**A/N: **So guys, I totally have a new chapter. And it's pretty much 3000 words. Be proud, please. I am the anti-christ of long chapters. Anyway, enjoy!

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Kingdom Hearts, yo.

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><p>Axel knew a secret. A secret so fantastic that it gave him shivers. His neighbor, the one that yelled at him for being loud with his lover's, was in fact, loud with his. This was good. Axel didn't even believe in God, but it felt as if the big man himself winked and said, "Here you go, Axel. This one is just for you." Luck was on his side.<p>

Axel woke up half naked, sort of sticky, and on his floor. Maybe luck wasn't on his side. He yawned and shook out with red hair that was also sort of sticky and half naked. Axel guessed he sweat some of the hairspray and gel out as he slept. But why was he half naked? He didn't remember taking off his shirt. He didn't even remember falling asleep. He was even in his shoes, still. Was this the Hangover? Was he missing a tooth? He quickly reached up and felt around his mouth. Okay, he wasn't missing a tooth, which was good. Axel sat there, trying to think of other movie scenarios that he could compare his life to when he noticed a towel on the floor. Axel was no scientist, but he could come to the conclusion that since the towel was next to a half empty case of blueberry vodka, he just figured out what he did last night. You could practically see the little light bulb over Axel's head enthusiastically turning on and off. The mere mention of the word 'turn-on' put another idea in Axel's head and he immediately rushed toward the bedroom. Peering inside he saw a lump under the covers and had a vicious thirty second debate whether he should poke it or not.

He came to the conclusion that yes, he should poke it but no, not with a stick.

There could be a variety of possibilities of who exactly this lump could be; hopefully it wasn't who he thought it was. He cautiously approached the bed and quickly ripped off the covers. And who was this subject underneath the bed? If you guessed a naked Kairi, you were correct.

"Fuck." Axel breathed out heavily as he covered her up again. She was very pretty, nice body, red hair, and smooth skin, but as he mentioned early, it kind of felt like doing his sister. Maybe incest was on the menu last night? Axel escaped from the room and gently closed the door behind him. It wasn't in his best option to be there when she woke up. Kairi in the morning was an orange juice chugging, soap opera watching machine, and Axel couldn't sit through another morning of watching Days of Our Lives while listening to Kairi viciously drink the orange juice out of his brand spanking new container. With that thought, he sniffed his hair. It was clean. He totally took a shower. Wait, he had an idea. Sneaking back into his room, with the naked Kairi in his bed, he crept close and sniffed her hair. It smelled like a fresh rain, which totally meant it was Axel's shampoo, which totally meant they both took a shower. And by putting one, two, and three together, 1 (empty bottle of blueberry vodka) + 2 (forest scented Kairi hair) + 3 (naked Kairi), Axel came to the conclusion that there was some, in the words of Dark Chocolate, sweet, sweet lovin' going on last night.

He dashed to the bathroom and checked the trashcan. Axel Amon picked out one used condom from the trashcan. He totally knew what he did last night, and with that thought he threw on a jacket, walked out of his apartment and quietly shut the door behind him, careful not to wake up the newly nicknamed 'Kairi-Monster'.

The day looked lovely. Axel was surprised he woke up before eight o'clock, and figuratively patted himself on the back. If he actually patted himself on the back, that wouldn't be cool, now would it? In the peripheral vision of his bright green eyes, there was a head of blonde hair that just came up to steps. The blonde hair belonged to Roxas, the moaner himself/future employ of Axel Amon's brothel (maybe, it was still up in the air).

"Hey Blondie! Good morning to you!" Axel waved enthusiastically and then dug through his pockets for spare change. He was going to have to buy some new orange juice, for the third time this week. The cashier at the market probably thinks he's addicted to vitamin C. Is that possible?

"You peed on my door last night." Roxas stated with a straight face. Axel froze and added another item to the 'What Axel Did Last Night' list.

"Did I really?" Axel asked in a sarcastic yet curious voice, "Because I don't really – "

"And you said I was extremely loud when taking it in the ass" Axel's eyebrows rose in surprise, what elaborate scheme could he cook up to solve this problem. He gave up after a failed idea about him saving a mutated cat from the clutches of Girl Scouts.

"Well there's no excuse for that. It's true." Axel contorted his face to try to make the one he believed Roxas would make in a fit of sexual pleasure, which frankly looked like he was going to sneeze. "Oh Vanitas, you're being too rough. Oh Vanitas, fuck me. Vanitas, Vanitas, Vanitas!" Axel had raised his voice in a higher pitch to mock Roxas. The blonde remained stone faced, walked to his door, and gestured someone out.

"Axel, this is Vanitas." Roxas introduced Axel to a boy with spiked black hair and gray jacket on. "Vanitas, this is Axel." Oh shit, this was sort of awkward.

"You're that guy who peed on Roxas' door, right?"

"Correct!" Axel did jerked one of his thumbs towards the staircase, "I have got to get out of this apartment complex before Kairi-Monster wakes up, so if you'll excuse me." Axel dashed downed the steps.

"Who's _Kairi-Monster_?" Vanitas questioned.

"An employee at his brothel" Roxas replied curtly and walked towards the parking lot.

"He's owns a brothel?" The boy with black hair looked at Roxas with a child-like interest over the balcony. Roxas answered his question with a blank stare, opened his car door, and drove to school.

**lllllIIIII**

When Axel finally arrived from his mission, he came home to exactly what he expected – a Kairi, sitting on the couch, watching soap operas, and chugging orange juice. She said hello by taking the jug away from her mouth, lifting up her hand for a small second, then resuming chugging.

"I brought you some more orange juice" Axel said, holding up the container for her to see and gesturing at it like it was a new car.

All he needed was a sparkly dress, and then they'd accept him on Wheel of Fortune, he just knew it.

"What exactly are these?" Axel said, poking a swollen gummy worm located in his dirty refrigerator. They looked like fat little mutations of his beloved candy located on a pan of death. There was liquid in the bottom of their habitat. Axel swiped his finger across it, and gave his skin a good lick. _Blueberry vodka?_ "What the fuck did we do last night?"

Kairi patted to the seat next to her on the couch and waited for Axel to saunter over and sit. "So, here I was, in the middle of a nice dinner with my mother, well as nice as a dinner can get with her, when I get a call from you. You were stumbling over your words, said you were sorry, told me you had something to show me, and then begged me to get over here."

"I think you're over exaggerating the begged part." Axel butted in. Kairi shot him a look of 'I-might-be-but-you'll-never-know'.

"When I got here you came out of the bathroom, soaking wet and zipping up your pants. You walked towards me, clearly intoxicated, and lead me to the fridge right there" she pointed to the dirty refrigerator covered in stickers and magnets, "and showed me a sad bunch of worms swimming in pool of vodka, somewhat like you would show the messiah."

"Why were you naked in my bed?" Axel questioned, interested in what exactly he did last night. Axel heard the television in the background go 'you are not the father!' and immediately knew what show Kairi was watching.

"Hah, about that." Kairi laughed, "while you were showing me the Holy Grail you believed to be in your fridge, Selphie walked out of your bathroom, you know that dumb girl with the flippy hair that I never liked?" Yes, Axel believed he knew, not like she was in his house or anything, "Well, she was also soaking wet, saw me here, got a little angry and then dumped the rest of that shitty vodka on the both of us. She sends love, by the way, hateful hateful love. I had to wash my clothes, so I fell asleep on your bed naked. End of story." Kairi shook her head and complained, "Look at that kid!" she gestured toward the television, "he looks exactly like the dad!"

The kid owned a pair of brown eyes, blonde hair, and had the palest skin Axel had ever seen, besides his own of course. The father was black. He decided not to say anything about it.

Axel would never understand the concept of these shows. He would advertise his brothel during this time slot though, no doubt about it.

"So," Axel cleared his throat, "I got drunk off of blueberry vodka, soaked some gummy worms in it, had sex with Selphie... in the shower," he smiled to himself. "Then proceeded to invite you over, and for some odd reason you agreed, showed you my Holy Grail of awesome, which you must admit was a good idea."

"Axel, it was one of the dumbest ideas I have ever heard of."

"You are a liar, my little female companion." He placed a finger on her nose and made a 'boop' sound, then continued, "And then Selphie got mad, dumped vodka on us, which would explain why I am so sticky... and you washed your clothes then fell asleep waiting...?"

"Yes Axel, that is exactly what I just said. You can paraphrase, way to go." She pumped her first sarcastically in the air and giggled. Kairi was never very good with sarcasm.

"When exactly did I pee on Roxas' door?"

"You peed on someones door?" Kairi didn't know who Roxas was.

"Yes..." Axel said in a sort of proud but not so really way, "My neighbor, Roxas, told me when I ran into him this morning to go get you some more orange juice." He kicked the empty container off of his coffee table, "you're welcome, by the way." Axel decided to save the whole fake moaning part for another day.

"Did you have to clean it up?" Kairi questioned, but her eyes were fixed on the television in front of her. "You are not the father!" She exclaimed and sat with anticipation to find out who exactly this baby daddy was.

"Nope" Axel crossed his arms behind his head. Axel used to clean up pee all the time. He used to be a waiter at some 50's themed restaurant. Apparently the 80-year old customers couldn't hold their bladders as well as they used to. Axel was okay with any bodily fluid except puss. That shit was gross.

"What! Are you kidding me? That guy was totally the father!" Kairi raged as she got up to grab the other gallon of orange juice. The kid looked nothing like the poor guy.

Axel said nothing.

**IIIIIIIIII**

The red head shut the door behind him as one of the women from King Video clashed their lips together in some odd form of passionate lust. She tasted like Greek yogurt and her hands were soft as silk tipped of with calluses at the end of her delicate fingers. Axel knew this because at the current moment she was sliding the belt buckle off his pants and unbuttoning the first of his two buttons. He was simple taking all it. Axel believed that sometimes being the dominant one is a waste of a good fuck. She moved down and began to nip at his neck as her hand gripped his member.

And all he said was he cried at the end of the _Titanic,_ appreciated all Nicholas Sparks books, and maybe they should discuss their dreams over a cup of coffee. When a woman is looking in the romance section of King Video while wearing sweat pants and smudged makeup, she probably just dumped/ got dumped by her boyfriend and is looking for some release from her sexual urges, that or she just felt like watching a romance movie and didn't get ready. Axel usually hopes for number one, but most of the time it's number two.

"Want to go to my house to finish this?" She asked and wiped her mouth with the collar of her shirt after a good ten minutes of her bobbing up and down, allowing her mouth to be filled with him. She was insanely pretty, even with smudged makeup and swollen lips. Axel suddenly remembered Kairi was waiting for him back at his apartment. When Kairi doesn't have orange juice to drink, she moves to the other fruit beverages, and when there are no more fruit beverages, she moves to everything else. Axel just ran out of apple juice and there was no fucking way Kairi was going to drink that chocolate milk he just bought.

"Maybe not today, but if you give me your number we could save it for another time. Make it more special, ya know?" Axel said smoothly. He smirked as she took out a pink sharpie and wrote her phone number on his arm, which was still sticky. Maybe he should have taken that shower. He probably smelled like blue berry vodka and pine trees. But hey, who didn't like the smell of a drunken lumber jack? Axel the woman's cheek goodbye, buttoned up his pants, and grabbed the closest movie to him. There was no way Kairi was drinking all of his chocolate milk.

Not again.

Axel bolted all the way home and slammed open his front door, "Whore, I swear if all that chocolate milk is gone I'm going to- motherfucker." He watched as Kairi violently drank his chocolate milk. "Why must this happen?" He fell to his knees. "Why!"

"You took to long." she stated simply as she burped.

"Woman! Why must you have the thirst of a small puppy?" Axel cried out. Looks like someone was going to eat their feelings tonight. That someone being Axel. Those feelings being the gummy worms laying on the sticky pan in his dirty refrigerator. Those feelings were going to get him extremely drunk, extremely fast. "Here," he threw Kairi the movie as he sobbed on the floor.

"Chicks with Dicks 8?" Kairi asked, a little confused.

"You have got to be fucking-" Axel was abruptly stopped by a loud pounding sound on his door, causing him to look in the direction of the sound with an intense glare of hatred.

"Axel, are you trying to tell me something?" Kairi questioned, spinning the case in her hand as more vicious knocking came from the door. The next conversation was held in a harsh whisper in a short amount of time as the knocking grew louder:

"No Kairi, I do not have anything to tell you. Can't a guy just watch some porn with his somewhat booty call."

"I am not a booty call."

"Come on, Kairi we all know what you are."

"Who is we? I am not a booty call!"

"Well you aren't anymore!"

"What? Why not? Am I not pretty enough for you?"

"Woman you drank all of my chocolate milk, don't test me!"

"All you had in your refrigerator is those shitty worms, cottage cheese, and that chocolate milk, what else was I supposed to drink?"

"That's when you resort in drinking the fucking cottage cheese."

"Axel you do not drink cottage cheese"

"Then, I don't know, maybe WATER!" He ended this argument, he clearly won, and answered the door.

It was none other than Roxas with Vanitas tailing behind him.

"Oh Roxas what a surprise, what brings you here. It's funny because we used to only nod our heads in acknowledgment as we passed and now we hang out all the time!" Axel exhaled heavily. He said that all in one breath, which was pretty impressive.

"You need to either learn how to use an inside voice or move out of this god damn apartment building!" Roxas seemed to be very angry. And he wasn't the one who had his chocolate milk drank. "I can't get anything done with you yelling at each other!" Kairi came to the door.

"Let momma do the talking" she discreetly whispered into Axel's ear. "We're very sorry," Kairi flashed a stunning smile towards Roxas and Vanitas, "would you like to watch Chicks with Dicks 8 with us?" Everybody was taken aback by this question except Kairi and Vanitas.

"Uh, yes!" Vanitas said like it was obvious he wanted too, "That's my favorite one!" Axel and Kairi exchanged awkward glances and shrugged their shoulders.

"No, I do not want to watch it." Roxas objected.

"Too bad, decision is made." Kairi pushed both Roxas and Vanitas inside and shut the door behind them.

This was Axel's chance. It was time to build a mutual friendship between him and Roxas! Hopefully friendship would lead to something worthwhile, like sex. Once again, Axel had the overwhelming urge to just dominate Roxas. The weird thing was, he totally wasn't gay.

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><p><strong>AN: **There you go guys. Axel will get some chocolate milk all to himself. One day.

I really like Kairi in my story. She's cool. Shh.

What'd you think, eh? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.


	3. An Umbrella and a Lot of Pancakes

**A/N: **Oh guize, oh guize. I hope you like pancakes! I typed this out with a stomach ache. I hope this shows how much I love you! D':

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts. BUT if I did, I'd probably eat it out of excitement.

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><p>"That movie was..." Axel contemplated.<p>

"Terrible" Kairi added.

"Great" Vanitas crossed his arms behind his head.

Axel wondered how it would be if he were about to sleep with a girl and she pulled down her pants to reveal a package that might or might not be larger than his. How would he react to this? Would he tousle his sweaty foreplay hair, chuckle, then proceed fornicating with the she-male? Or, would he make up an appointment and then leave as fast as he could? Axel didn't know. He should find out sooner or later. He would add that on his 'Things to Do' list, which looked like this:

Roxas

Get a job (Preferably not in food industry)

Find a she-male, take them back to the apartment, and make some _'sweet love'_

That was it so far, but he was sure there was more to come. Axel felt number two was the thing he should get on. Sure, his apartment rent was incredibly low, but since he got fired from his last job for being a 'unreliable employ' his funds have gotten a little low. The compulsive orange juice buying and the every night movie rentals weren't helping either. Axel was broke. Sometimes he felt like when he opened his pockets tiny moths flew out. The thought of Axel opening his pockets made him laugh loudly, like he could open his pockets. His pants were way to damn tight.

The inhabitants of Axel's couch, who jumped at the sudden burst of laughter, were Vanitas, who was sitting on the opposite end of Axel; cuddling up next to Vanitas was Roxas, that bastard; then an Axel, who was followed by a Kairi. They were all crammed on a beat up love seat with a removable ottoman extension.

"Let's never have a movie night ever again," Roxas said, getting up and popping his back.

"Aww, come on. Did you see that one part when they were at the pool with that umbrella" Axel faked enthusiasm.

"I think everyone saw that part..." Kairi felt queasy. She had never known you could do things like _that_ with an umbrella. She was prepared for repressed memories of this night.

"Or that one scene with all that food" Vanitas eyes grew wide as his stomach rumbled. He had nerves of steel.

"But they were fucking on all of that food!" Kairi was horrified.

"Don't mean it didn't look delicious!" Axel piped in, "who want to go get pancakes?" The red head stood up and switched off his television. The cable box read it was eleven o'clock at night. That was an incredibly long movie.

"I like pancakes." Roxas said.

"I was going to hang out with Namine." Kairi said pulling her purse out, finding her phone, and checking it for messages.

"Just tell her to meet us there!" And that's when Axel began the epic conquest of looking for his car keys. Kairi sighed and slid open her pink phone, complete with a jeweled yellow star on the back with a green stem, and called Namine.

"Hi Namine! New plans!" Kairi started the conversation.

"Where are my keys?" Axel whined.

"Are these your keys?" Vanitas said pulling a silver thing up from the couch.

"Where? The Pancake House." The girl said sweetly. "It's the Pancake House, right Axel" Kairi barked, taking a complete three-sixty.

"Yes. Pancake house. No. Bottle opener." Axel directed toward Vanitas who looked at the silver contraption, then over to the pile of empty cans sitting next to the couch.

"Can't we just take my car?" Roxas complained, sitting back down on the couch.

"Are these your keys?" Vanitas held up a blue pair of keys.

"No Namine, bringing your art supplies is not a good idea. Pancakes, Namine, pancakes. What is on pancakes? That's right, syrup." Kairi spoke into the pink phone and paced around the room.

"Those go to my... house. I think. Yeah those are my house keys!" Axel looked inside one of the many kitchen drawers that held a surplus of junk. No keys.

"You don't lock your door?" Roxas asked.

"Do I really have that much stuff to steal, Roxas?" Axel answered, still rummaging through his junk drawer. Roxas looked around, that was true.

"Are these your keys?" Vanitas said pulling a pair from Axel's jacket.

"Okay, see you there. Bye Namine!" Kairi clicked the red button.

"Yes!" Axel yelled a little to loud, causing the people beside him to slam on the wall, "those are it. Let's go!" Axel grabbed the keys from Vanitas and ran down the steps to a somewhat decent car.

"Shot gun!" Kairi called as she ran out the door behind Axel.

"Uh, back?" Roxas made a poor attempt at humor. Don't worry Roxas, some people just can't grasp it. You'll get there buddy.

When the group of four arrived at the House of Pancakes it was pretty empty minus the person who looked bored at the front counter.

"Hi, how many?" She asked blandly.

"Is there a small girl here? She's blonde and she usually wears all white" Kairi asked politely.

"Does she have art supplies?" The hostess raised an eyebrow.

"Probably..." Kairi said through gritted teeth. She told her not to bring those damn art supplies.

"Go on in and find her" The waitress handed them menus as they passed. Kairi scanned for Namine, then saw the small blonde wearing white in the center booth.

"Namine, what did I say about the art supplies? You're going to get syrup on them!" Kairi scolded.

"Kairi, I'm going to put them up before the pancakes come out, silly goose" Namine smiled and continued sketching with a pink colored pencil. Axel, Vanitas, and Roxas all sat in the booth across from the two girls and picked up their menus simultaneously.

"Cheesecake flavored pancakes?" Roxas questioned, but deep deep down he dreamed. He dreamed of floating in a sky full of cheesecake flavored pancake clouds. In this dream he landed on one of the clouds, rolled around with happiness, then took a huge bite out of one. Delicious, just as he thought. Down the row of booths came a waiter. He had a haircut that looked like a mullet and a mohawk met at a club, brought each other home, and had an accidental baby.

"Hi! My name is Demyx and I will be your waiter tonight" He was very bubbly and had a huge smile plastered on his face, "Have you heard about our unlimited pancake challenge?"

"No, but I would like to know" Axel said, putting his menu down. If it was a challenge then Axel was willing to do it. He loved challenges.

"You order our all you can eat pancakes for five dollars," Oh, and it was cheap too. Axel was sort of strained for money, "we bring out a stack of five small ones, then five regular size, and you can guess what happens next." Demyx was still smiling as wide as ever, "The record is twenty-two, if you can eat past that you get a picture on the wall and the meal will be free!"

"Let's all do that then!" Axel clapped his hand on Vanitas' back and they shared a look of 'let's-eat-the-shit-out-of-these-pancakes'.

"What!" Kairi protested, "Me and Nam can't eat twenty-two pancakes each!"

"I'll tell you want," Demyx leaned close to Kairi and winked, "I'll let you and this pretty young lady split the twenty-two pancakes between the two of you." The waiter giggled and quickly scratched down the order in his notebook. "So, five all you can eat pancake platters?" They all nodded in agreement, and Demyx skipped toward the kitchen.

"Cheesecake pancakes" Roxas whined silently and laid his head on the table with defeat.

"That's one happy-go-lucky dude." Axel said playing with a container of syrup.

"I think I'm going to get his number. He's seems like a nice edition to my friend circle." Kairi pulled out her cellphone ready for the kill.

"Well your mother did tell you you needed more friends," The red head smirked earning a giggle from the small girl in white. Kairi, on the other hand, pursed her lips and viciously flicked her finger up and down the screen. "So, Vanitas," Axel spun in his seat so he could face the boy with amber eyes, "what do you do for a living?" Axel could have some casual conversation, right?

"I'm studying to be an interpreter. I already have an internship with a company that designs games, so I'm going to be going to Japan very soon!" Vanitas smiled, "What do you do?"

"I'm unemployed," The red head replied.

"Oh, we should go job hunting soon! When are you free?" Vanitas chirped, growing more excited by the second.

"Tomorrow? I'm unemployed." Axel wanted to end this conversation and start a new one. He was embarrassed. This would not help him get into Roxas' pants. "So, you and Roxas live together?"

"Yes, I invited Roxas to stay with since his family moved out of Traverse Town. My parents pay for the apartment." God damn it, of course he had rich parents. It didn't seem like Roxas was paying any attention to this conversation. He looked like he was staring at the menu, lovingly. His eyesight directed toward the tiny picture of cheesecake pancakes. Luckily, Demyx came back out carrying trays stacked with pancakes.

"For the pretty ladies!" He giggled as he set down to plates. Namine quickly put up her art supplies. "And for the handsome gentlemen," he set down the rest of the plates and Roxas seemed to come to life.

"These look delicious." he choked with emotion.

"Okay ready to start?" Demyx smiled, everyone nodded, "okay... go!" Demyx swung his arms dramatically. He secretly wished he had a flag.

Roxas inhaled the first few pancakes, after drenching them in strawberry syrup; Axel followed behind by just rolling up the pancakes and eating them like burritos. Vanitas followed them by rolling the buttermilk angels into small balls and just popping them into his mouth. At the girls table, Kairi quickly ate the first two by cutting them in half and engulfing each half piece whole. Namine ate with a fork. Was she the only civilized one here. After they were all done with the first tiny batch Demyx brought out the next round of pancakes, being five regular sized. It pretty much went down the same way, except with the girls.

"Kairi," Namine whined, "I'm full."

"No Namine, we can't give up! I'm full too but we have to get our picture on that wall!" Kairi said, full of spirit. She was on the verge of throwing up. Regular sized pancakes at that place were the size of a salad plate there.

"Can't we just shove them in our purse and act like we ate them?" Namine pleaded desperately.

They both made eye contact.

Namine was a genius.

They discreetly pulled out their purses and started scraping the plain pancakes into their large bags of hope.

The third round of pancakes came out and Demyx sat down with Kairi and Namine.

"Wow, you two sure eat fast!" Demyx was impressed.

"Yes, yes, can I get your number? We should be friends!" Kairi had always been pretty straight forward.

"Sure!" Demyx smiled widely and wrote it down on a napkin. "Maybe I should properly introduce myself first! Hi, I'm Demyx!" The boy held out his hand over the table.

"I'm Kairi and this is Namine" They shook hands, "Oh, we're going to be great friends." Kairi was excited. She liked having cute boys as friends.

Axel held up his hands in triumph, "Fifteen pancakes down and I'm still ready for more!"

"Bring it ginger!" Vanitas challenged. Roxas gave up on his tenth pancake and was now asleep on the table. Probably dreaming of cheesecake.

"Be right back!" Demyx ran to the kitchen and came back with four more plates, each holding ten. "Now, you only have to eat seven of these to win but if you want to go above-"

"I'm going to eat all of them!" Axel yelled and began shoveling them into his face.

"Me too!" Vanitas said, fueling the competition between the two.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Kairi laughed anxiously.

"Why are you taking two purses?" Demyx questioned.

"I... uh... need a lot of tampons!" She ran towards the bathroom. What she was really going to do was scrape out the pancakes to make more room. Demyx blushed at the mention of feminine product. Kairi came back after a few minutes. "Demyx, will you go get me some more water?" She smiled.

"Sure!" He walked to the kitchen.

"Go Namine! GO!" They both furiously scraped pancakes into their purses and finished almost half the plate just in time before Demyx made it back to them.

"Wow, just wow, you ladies are machines. Together you ate twenty-four pancakes. You set a new record! Let me go get the camera!"

Meanwhile at the boy's table Axel gave up around his twentieth, claiming he couldn't go on if he didn't want his stomach to explode. Vanitas ran to the bathroom and threw up, claiming his stomach did explode.

"Never again" Axel groaned as he sat in the front seat of the car. He decided he would let Kairi drive this time. He was so full he couldn't function, plus he just spent his last five dollars.

Damn those pancakes.

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><p><strong>AN: **Guess you know what the next chapter is going to be like! I'm going to clarify that Demyx and Kairi are not and will never be a couple in this story.. wait.. i dunno. Probably not. Roxas is so cute when he dreams of cheesecakes.

Do I sense some aggressive competition between Axel and Vanitas? See how it plays out in the next chapter of... _Devil's Tattoo! _*Throws glitter*

Please do review and send some moarrrrr encouragement. xoxo.


	4. An Egg and a Chauffeur's Hat

**A/N: **Sorry 'bout the wait, guys. Call me terrible, call me lazy, I am both. *sigh* I wrote this for you though!

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts...

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><p>Pancakes.<p>

If he survived past this night Axel would, in fact, swear off pancakes forever.

And by forever he meant for a couple of weeks.

Tomorrow, he had to go on a job interview with Vanitas, the guy whose has 'rich parents' and is 'going somewhere in life'. Fuck that. Fuck all of that. Life? Why did anyone need to go anywhere in life? You know where Axel wanted to go? To the couch and sit down. That's where.

Take that Vanitas.

But who was Axel kidding? Vanitas' couch was probably made of baby kittens... or clouds.

Where on the other hand Axel's couch was made of disappointment mixed with outdated spots of 'womanly release'. Him and that couch had been through thick and thin. Literally. Axel chuckled at his own cleverness.

"Why are you laughing?" Kairi asked absent-mindedly while flipping through a recent edition of _Teen Vogue. _Axel wondered why she was reading that. He's seen a few copies. Kairi was twenty; It obviously says _teen. _Last time Axel checked, being twenty wasn't considered being a teenager, if it was, he'd still be a teenager. He shuddered at the thought of high school food and his adolescence.

"Oh you know, just thinking about that couch." Axel replied slyly while opening the fridge, "Oh score! We still have those gummy worms!" The red head said in a child-like euphoria.

Kairi's eyes narrowed, "What about this couch?" She immediately squirmed.

"You know" He smiled and tried to pull off a gummy worm from the crusty tray. Maybe he should have covered it with cling wrap. Who was he kidding? He didn't have cling wrap. He needed a spatula.

"No, I don't." She slowly put both feet down on the floor and stood up, backing as far away from the couch as possible, which wasn't very far away.

"If you haven't noticed, I get around a lot- Shit!" Axel yelped as a gummy worm went flying into the air. He placed his hand on the counter, trying to play it off.

"I can totally see how. I mean, you're so cool." Kairi said sarcastically.

"I'm going to ignore that one." Axel grimaced, "Anyway, as I was saying, wait, no. We just need to clean it, okay? Don't ask questions." The man rubbed his hands together, "let's clean it tonight!"

"Axel, you're an idiot. It's one in the morning, let's sleep." Kairi lolled about. Axel's mind seemed to switch on at the fact his apartment was slowly becoming less of his and more of 'theirs'. The makeup sprawled across his bathroom counter, the girly soaps, and that pink throw blanket, Axel did not approve. She'd only stayed here for two nights, and she was slowly claiming it as her's! As Dark Chocolate put it on the late night radio broadcast, _'don't let the ladies tie you down, players. But always make room for love.'_ There was no love here! Just an Axel putting up with a Kairi drinking his orange juice and tying him down with her lady products sprawled over his bathroom counter!

"Kairi, I do not understand why you think you live here now." He went back to the kitchen, "My mom always said if you give a stray food, or in this case orange juice, it will always come back," He banged around searching for an appropriate pot, "what kind of tea do you want?"

"Green" she replied, not amused.

Axel made a buzzer noise through his teeth, "wrong answer, try again."

"Oolong"

"Would you look at that, we don't have that either." Axel said, acting baffled.

"Damn it Axel, what tea do you have!"

"It's called 'Get the Fuck Out of My Apartment Tea'." He said slamming his hands onto the counter, eyes widening and head slowly turning to the side. Kairi gave him a death glare.

"It smells like shit in here anyway" She snapped.

"Good! I like it that way!" Axel threw his hands up in the air, over dramatically wafting the oxygen towards his face.

"I'll see you tomorrow then!" She said picking up his magazine. Her dumb little girl magazine.

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Kairi slammed the door behind her.

Did he just agree to her coming over tomorrow?

Kairi, you dog.

**llllllllll**

There was pounding on the door. Axel knew this because, well, he heard it. It's not like he wanted to hear it; he was dreaming about how successful his brothel was going to be, **if** he ever got it running.

_One day, Axel, one day_, he kept telling himself.

Axel rolled over and opened a small curtain. Sunlight flooded in and he immediately regretted it with a hiss and a cringe. Was he a vampire now? Maybe. He could be whatever he wanted so said every teacher in elementary school, except his fifth grade teacher. After sending her over the edge, she finally snapped and told him 'have fun being a janitor for the rest of your life'. Did he look like a janitor? No, take that Ms. Manning!

Axel rose reluctantly and sauntered over towards the door. "What?" He groaned, readjusting his 'manly parts'.

"Nice to see you too Axel" A pink faced Roxas spoke through a slightly startled expression. Why was Roxas startled? Axel thought hard and then looked down. Shit. He was just in his underwear. Axel blushed and immediately thought about running into his room, hiding underneath his covers and never coming out.

"What can I, uh, help you with" _Hello, how may I take your order. _Come on Axel, you're better than this.

"Can I borrow an egg. I wanted to make Vanitas breakfast today." Roxas seemed different. Bummed maybe? All Axel knew was that this conversation was incredibly awkward.

"Is something wrong?" Axel asked, concerned.

"It's just, Vanitas, fight, make-up breakfast." Roxas sighed, "can I have an egg, please?"

"Sure thing Roxy, hold on." Axel went to his fridge. His last egg gleamed on the shelf. He shouldn't do this. That egg would lead to make-up breakfast which would lead to make-up fornication. But, Roxas sad was... weird. And slightly uncomfortable like the whole situation. "Here take it" Axel held in out in his palm. Roxas' small hands slightly brushed Axel's fingers, sending a jolt. Axel recoiled clumsily, leaving the blonde to perk an eyebrow in confusion.

"Well, thanks for this." Roxas ambled his way to his apartment and went inside. Axel returned into his own abode, questioning if this was real life or some sick excuse for a romantic comedy. His stomach grumbled with hunger and a hint of jealousy? He wanted Roxas to make him eggs. But, he'll just have to make his own. He grimaced. That was his last egg. He wouldn't get an awesome breakfast today; he would get disappointment in a empty, dusty bowl.

But that empty, dusty bowl would soon be filled. He was going to apply for jobs today! And even though it would be with Vanitas, there was still some form of hope in this situation. That hope was he didn't have to pay for gas. They would simply take Vanitas' shiny car, which was an expensive brand whose name escaped the red head's mind, to Axel's future job locations, and Axel would just get to ride shot gun and adjust the radio to his preference. It sounded awesome. Maybe, just maybe, he could get Vanitas a cool little chauffeur's hat and some sunglasses. Oh god yes, Axel was a genius.

Later on in the day, Axel finally got to sit in that shiny car.

"Vanitas, I brought you these" The red head handed the driver a parcel wrapped in a brown paper bag.

"Oh, you shouldn't ha-" Vanitas double checked the items. "No." He said as he set the bag in between his legs.

"Come on!" Axel whined, "They're so cool!" He gestured towards the chauffeur's hat and slick pair of aviators. "If you're got going to wear them, I will."

"Knock yourself out." Vanitas chuckled. Axel sighed and took the hat and glasses and added them to his apparel. Vanitas may be charming, but at least Axel looked like a bad ass.

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><p><strong>AN: **Well self, you've managed to make a sailor blush. How does it feel? Fantastic. There will be another chapter very, very soon (hopefully) and stuff will happen! DRAMATIC STUFF. Not really. Maybe. I don't know yet.

Love you readers.


	5. Grandmothers and Cleaning Supplies

**A/N: **I really don't know how I feel about this chapter... I'm kind of _iffy _about it. But no matter how many times I scrap it and rewrite, out comes this. Eh. I apologize in advance.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Kingdom Hearts. At all. Seriously. Don't own it.

no. no. no.

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><p>God, this whole 'let's get Axel a job' scheme, wasn't turning out positive. Axel had applied to eight different places, and none of them had called back. It's been a week and the red head was getting a little desperate for money. Apartment rent was due in two days and Axel had not a single penny to his name. He had survived the past week by living off of dollar menu cheese burgers and boxes upon boxes of ramen.<p>

Let's just say Axel went on a lot of walks.

The real definition of 'walks' in the previous statement had to be:

**walk **[wawk]

_verb_

To advance on foot and strategically search for abandoned change lying on sidewalks, roads, etc.

Yes, that was what Axel had been doing. No orange juice for Kairi. No shitty movies for himself. Living this way sucked, hard. He didn't want to be separated from his baby angel apartment, and if things played out badly, like they had been, he would be in some big trouble.

Unless he pulled out plan B.

Plan A being get a job. Plan B being get a Kairi.

He had a Kairi, now all he had to do was use it.

Of course Axel would still try to get a job, but that was in the long-term plan.

Being a free man was important to Axel and moving back in with his grandmother would not let him be a free man, at all. In fact, it would be the complete opposite. His grandmother, oh his grandmother, was one of the most suffocating older women he had ever been related too. Axel was sure that Kairi was tired of living with her mother. Kairi should live with him. This idea was rather spur of the moment, but the used-to-be booty-call had grown on him and now she was more like a sister or a... puppy. You know, getting into stuff that she shouldn't and eating everything in sight. Kairi was Axel's puppy. To be more specific, Kairi was Axel's puppy who was going to help him pay the _rent. _Axel was a bloody genius. Now, all he had to do was get Kairi to agree to it.

His car had absolutely no more gas left in it, because of this, Axel decided he would do it the lazy way and simply text Kairi to ask. Kairi arrived to his front door within twenty minutes, barging in like a mad man.

"Axel! Are you okay?" She said frantically making her way to the kitchen. And there was Axel, sitting on the dirty tiles Indian-style and smiling. "You bastard!" She narrowed her eyes. He told her there had been a freak accident where his fridge fell on himself, slowly smashing the life out of the bachelor.

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Axel is the devil. I needed to ask you an important question though!" He whined and laid down on the floor. He starting drawing little circles and pulled out the cutest voice he could muster, "Kairi, do you want to move in with me?" He looked up at her with puppy dog eyes.

"No" She stated simply.

"Kairi, please! I don't want to lose my apartment!" The red head begged while hugging onto her leg. Kairi put on a _hold-on-I'm-contemplating-face, _and they both sat in the dirty kitchen in silence. Axel prepared himself for death. He stood up slowly, turning towards his home and exhaling.

"Goodbye home!" Axel wailed dramatically and picked up a close basket in his laundry room. He then proceeded to gather the things he needed, which would be: hair gel, DVD player, blankets, and clothes. Once done, he proceeded to curl up on his couch in fetal position and look absolutely miserable.

And that's the story of how Axel and Kairi became house-mates!

The first day, you ask? Not so good.

Even though Axel could still remain living in his apartment, there was one problem. He officially did not have a room. The unofficial official Axel room was the beat up couch located in the small living room. The whole apartment had been cleaned to a pristine condition. If you are wondering who did it. Axel will give you a hint, it sure as hell wasn't Kairi. That slave driver made Axel wear an apron, a _fucking _apron, and clean his-_their _apartment from ceiling to floor. This included cobwebs on the porch; dusting the entertainment system, which consisted of a DVD VHS combo, behind dirty glass doors, and on top of all of it a crappy TV bought at the thrift shop from hell; and last but not least, scraping off his prize collection of stickers from his refrigerator. His bathroom had a rug on top of the toilet seat, a fucking rug. What was that even needed for? It was the dumbest looking thing Axel had ever seen, but he must admit, it made his bare rear feel all warm and fuzzy when sitting on it.

Not to mention, Kairi already informed him that she would be having people over tonight, and he would have to vacate the premises. Where the fuck was he supposed to go?

Axel grew some balls and knocked on the door.

"Who is it?" croaked a voice on the other side.

"Axel" The red head replied quietly, gripping the bag over his shoulder a little tighter. It was just a simple overnight bag. A simple disappointing over night back that was so sloppily put together a pair of pants were hanging out the side.

"Who?" The voice questioned. The question was followed by a coughing fit.

"Axel!" He said a louder in an annoyed tone.

"Axel, sweetie, it's been so long since you've visited your darling grandmother" The door opened and out hobbled a small woman with a hunched back and wide open arms. Axel leaned down to embrace his relative with a quick, short sign of affection. "What's that bag for?" She glinted and adjusted her hair piece.

"We're having a slumber party grandma!" He mustered up some enthusiasm and did a thumbs up with a huge, shining smile.

"No."

"Oh come on grandma! Please!" Axel whined and stamped his foot.

"No." Axel had to beg so much lately.

All the females in his life might as well chop off his nuts and put them in a case.

Wait... they wouldn't do that. They would just do it for the hell of it.

Sadistic bitches.

A holy grail of a thought came into Axel's mind. Not the vodka covered gummy worms holy grail, but better. Much better. A grin came across Axel's face as he swung his bag to his chest. Rummaging around, he pulled out a bottle of tequila.

"Grandma, if you let me stay here, I will give you this! All to yourself!" Axel truly didn't want to give her this. He found it in the top of the pantry while he was doing that damn ceiling to floor cleaning spree.

"No" Door slam in the face.  
>"She used to be so cute and nice" he mumbled and kicked at the floor.<p>

"Well maybe you should of visited me more!" She yelled through the door. But wait, it was opening again. Axel's eyes lit up. He would have a place to stay!

Rainbows. Happy rainbows everywhere.

No. Just a snatched bottle of tequila and another door slam in the face.

God damn it.

Where would he stay now? At the playground in the park? That would suck so hard. The last time he did that, he would himself half naked and covered in sprinkles.

Axel didn't really remember that night very well...

But he never wanted it to happen again.

Axel dejectedly walked away from his grandmother's house and back home. He had Kairi drive him here, since his car had no gas. His cell phone bill wasn't paid either. So calling Kairi to come and get him wouldn't really be that effective. Twenty minute drive equals really long walk in Axel's book.

Finally, he arrived back at his apartment complex. He knocked on his own apartment door only to get an answer from Kairi telling him to sweetly go away

Sweetly Axel's ass. She barked it. She _barked _it with a terrifying expression and an attitude to match. In the background there was happy laughing of Namine and their waiter from the Pancake House? Axel peered inside the crack, overlooking Kairi's face and focusing on the ugly hairstyle in the background. Axel confirmed that their was waiter and felt even more dejected that even a random waiter was allowed in his apartment when he wasn't.

Axel sighed and tousled his hair.

_Playground here I come,_ he thought. Axel wasn't the one to feel depressed. Dark Chocolate always said , "_Feeling down? Travel around and look at all the beautiful women my gentlemen and realize how wonderful life is."_ and then something about the next track, blah, pull your lover close, blah, blah, blah.

But, even after all of the beautiful women, Axel still felt a little upset. Why didn't anyone want him to stay the night? Did he smell bad? He did a quick body order joke by sniffing at his armpit. He was clean.

Axel didn't understand!

Wait.

He had an idea.

"Hey Roxas. I was kicked out of my house, and I need a place to stay" Axel mumbled to himself as he paced back and forth in front of Roxas' apartment door. Well, more of Vanitas' door, since he pays the rent. What if Vanitas answered. Oh god, the look of pity he would get. Or worse. What if they answered together like a married couple from the 50's. _Hello welcome to our humble home. _And then Roxas would offer him the dinner he worked all day in the kitchen to make, holding a pot roast in a pan with his oven-mitted hands. Vanitas would chuckled and sip on his glass of brandy while he placed a protecting arm around his little house-wife.

Fuck Axel's life.

He knocked three times and stuffed his pride to a deep dark place where it wouldn't come back out for the night.

"What do you want?" spatted a little blonde. Axel sighed in relief. It was Roxas, hallelujah. Some people may think that begging the person whose pants you are trying to get into to let you stay the night would be a little well... embarrassing. And it was! But it was better than groveling to the boy's extraordinarily, over-achieving, _I'm-so-much-better-than-you_ boyfriend. Much better.

"Can I stay here tonight?" Might as well come straight out with it.

"What? No! You have a house-wait." Roxas leaned on the door way and smiled, "you got kicked out, didn't you?" He observed Axel's facial expression, which said yes. "Oh my god! You did. That's great!" Roxas laughed a little harder.

This was complete and utter bullshit.

"Fuck you." Axel hissed.

"Excuse me? Is that what you should say to someone who has a house you want to stay in?" Roxas sassed back.

"Fuck you, fuck your house, fuck everyone." Axel spit on the ground and walked off. Roxas, appalled, sat there in silence for a little while. The confused blonde shrugged and walked back inside his apartment, gently shutting the door behind him. Re-opening the door, he called out for Axel. The red head turned to Roxas and walked back towards Roxas' house. They both choked out and apology, and a towering Axel followed the small boy inside.

Axel smirked. He never thought that telling someone to go fuck them self would lead to a place to stay. He liked this blonde more and more by the second.

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><p><strong>AN: **There you go guys. You should seriously review because it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. Please? :D

Anyway, I swallowed my pride and got a tumblr. I feel... awkward. In other news, I'm writing a FFXIII one-shot for my buddy Holland so she will post a new chapter on **The Red Avenger** because it's awesome. We should all hold her to this. Once she's posts it, mine will come right after/a little bit after.

WHOO GO TEAM!


	6. Kittens and Strawberry Jam

Hey guys. So, I'm not dead. I'm very much alive. I would give excuses on not updating and why, but I won't. IM SORRY. I LOVE YOU GUYS I PROMISE. What have I been doing? Well, April I went to MTAC OMEGA, that was fun. Cosplayed Launch from Dragon Ball anddddd Hope Esthiem from Final Fantasy 13. It was great. Made a bunch of friends. Met this dude, who left me for a sailor scout.

No biggie guys.

So, got over that emotional rip and went to an art camp for the ENTIRE MONTH OF JUNE. Celebrated my 16th birthday there. Food didn't settle well with my stomach, so I was always pooping. Now we bring ourselves here, on July 4th. Overcame writer's block. We're good. Here you go.

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><p>Axel sat on Roxas' couch silently as he waited for the blonde to grab blankets from the linen closet. The couch he was on was actually long enough for him to lay down fully and no appendages would drape of the side. It was amazing really, and it was so soft. It was like laying on kittens, just as he predicted. Of course, Axel had never thought about rounding up a bunch of kittens and shaping them into the form of a couch... Okay, so he had thought of that before. It tempted him while he was sitting in the musty old chair of his father's mansion. His dad loved white Persian cats. Most of Axel's childhood actually consisted of him taking care of them. He remembered his father leaning down with a smile and giving him one for Christmas. Axel named him Sprocket. But now, all his relationships with his family had broken. It was a bad situation.<p>

Speaking of bad, Axel smelled awful. Maybe it was the sweat he worked up while tracking across the damn city, maybe it wasn't.

But Axel was pretty sure it was.

"Roxas" Axel called out like a five year old child.

"What?" Roxas was not a very loving mother.

"I don't want to stink up your couch, can I take a shower here?"

"Just take everything." Roxas sighed and walked back to the linen closet to grab a towel for his needy guest.

Roxas, tonight, was not a happy camper. He had no clue where Vanitas was, he had tons of homework to do, and he had a brothel owner taking a shower, in his shower to be exact. Probably washing off sweat and brothel-ness. Gross. Roxas set the blankets on the couch, went to his desk, picked up a pencil and began to read the questions in front of him. He read it again, and then he read it again.

"I don't understand!" he grunted an slammed his head on the desk before him. Axel, who just recently finished his shower, heard the small boy's pleads from the other room. His first instinct was to lean against Roxas' door frame in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist, but he did need a place to stay and that would not let him keep the one he had obtained. There was no way Roxas would go for the 'let's fuck' look or the 'look at my nice body, let's fuck look'. Life was tough. Axel went with the choice of ignoring it, which meant he would receive not a single lick of action.

"What ya stuck on, Roxy?" He asked while pulling a shirt over his frame.

"Pre-cal," Roxas sighed heavily and rubbed his temple, "did you even finish high school?"

Axel took a step back and placed a hand on his chest.

"I'll have you know that I did, sir. There are brains to this beauty."

Roxas snorted, "Show me what you can do". He wheeled backwards in his desk chair and let the desk present itself full frontal. The blonde gestured towards the paper like the Wheel of Fortune board.

"Let's see here," Axel picked up the homework and examined it thoroughly, "it would be nice if I had my glasses, but I'll make do."

Now, if you, the reader, were expecting this nice scene where Axel turns about to be a secret genius, you were very wrong.

"Axel..." Roxas was irritated, "I may not know much about pre-cal... but I do know that all these answers are absolutely wrong." Roxas walked over to the couch and sat down, "and I would like to thank you for wasting so much of my time with your idiocy".

"Oh Roxas, you know how to make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside." Axel joined Roxas on the couch, sitting a little too close. Roxas looked over at him. Their eyes locked gazes, and the red head smirked devilishly. He wanted to take this small boy and ravage him viciously on this huge fucking couch. But, rape is illegal and this couch is far too nice.

"So, uh," Roxas scooted away from Axel, flustered. He took refuge on the farthest side of the couch, "Vanitas will be here in the morning... I think. When that time comes, make yourself scarce. I don't think he likes you that much." He was rubbing the back of his own neck.

"Where is Vanitas exactly?" Axel twiddling his fingers. His thoughts were all terrible. If his mindset was a movie, it would probably be illegal in a couple states.

"Vanitas is with a group of his work friends or whatever. Didn't you hear? He's leaving for Japan in a month, so they wanted to celebrate."

"Good," Axel snorted, "Let him go to Japan and stay there."

"No, let's not let him stay there!" Roxas defended. "I kind of like him, if you haven't noticed," Roxas gestured to the apartment, "we do live together!"

Axel looked around and sighed, "I guess" he said. A small 'meh' followed. Axel looked around the room awkwardly. He examined every inch of the wall with his emerald eyes. He yawned and stretched out his arms. His hand ended up touching Roxas' face, so he playfully pushed his cheek and stuck out his tongue. Roxas chuckled.

Wait.

Axel was astounded that Roxas just chuckled.

At him none the least.

Was this real life?

"Oh, look at stone face over here laughing" Axel prodded.

"That's Mr. Stoneface" the small blonde replied in a serious manner. This spiked Axel's curiosity.

"So, the whole gay thing..." Axel tried to ease himself into this subject matter as easily as possibly without drowning it in his awkwardness.

"Yes?"

"If you and Vanitas end up getting really serious... Would that make you... Mrs. Vanitas?" Axel laughed at his own joke. Roxas only responded with a laugh that was masked with a heavy sigh.

"Goodnight, Axel." He got up and left the room.

"Goodnight, Mrs. Vanitas!" The red head called out and smirked.

**llllllllll**

Axel woke up still on Roxas' couch. He ran his hands along his body quickly, looking for abrasions or something of the sort. There were none. The red head was amazed. He seemed to have survived through Vanitas coming home without even realizing it. He stretched his long limbs, knocking him off balance which lead to him hitting the floor with a loud thump.

"Well fuck a duck," Axel mumbled underneath his breath as he used the coffee table and couch to hoist himself up. He stood in the center of the room, not knowing whether to search for Roxas or just go home.

The thing that made Axel search through the back of the house was this logic:

Axel was a light sleeper, he always had been, unless he was smashed, which he was not.

Since him and Roxas live in the same apartment complex, Axel knew that every single door on every single building was squeaky as fuck.

Therefore if Vanitas opened the squeak as fuck door with a light sleeper such as Axel in the room, it would have woken the light sleeper, Axel, up.

And to prove the theory correct, Axel nudged open a bed room door, and there lay Roxas by his lonesome. Axel's stare lingered at the small blonde with disheveled hair, and then he realized that was creepy of him, so he shut the door and made his way to the kitchen. The man pondered, wondering whether he should leave completely or make the boy some eggs.

Wait, this was not his house, and he never made eggs for anyone except himself.

And well... Kairi, but that was out of sheer force.

Axel shut the front door as quietly as he could and made his way to his apartment. Home sweet home. He tried the door. Surprisingly it was unlocked. Axel made note of his victoriously moment and went inside to survey the area. It was destroyed living room with some odd substance coating the wall. Axel ran his finger down it. Gaining no knowledge, he decided to test one of the other 5 senses and did what any smart man would do to a foreign substance, licked it. It was strawberry jam.

There were at least seven jars of strawberry jam on his walls.

Strawberry

Jam

Strawberry Jam.

The realization hit him five seconds after this.

"Kairi, what the fuck!" He yelled as he barged his way through the hallway and to the bedroom with a fist full of scrapings.

First sight, naked man.

Second sight, naked Kairi.

This was all very normal in Axel Amon's Brothel.

Axel threw the jam at the closest pair of butt cheeks. It hit and slowly slid down the man's legs making its way to the bed. The man rustled about, slowly waking up.

"What do you want?" He mumbled with a voice full of sleep. The man turned and felt something slimy. "Is this jam?" He rubbed the bed, "Why did you throw jam at my anal region?" He asked with an somber tone.

"Why did you throw jam at my walls?" Axel yelled. The man looked very confused, then suddenly remembered with a small 'ah'. He got up from the bed and gestured for Axel to look away as he put on his clothes. When he was done, Axel turned around. The man had blue hair that covered pretty much all of his face. The stereo-typical "emo boy" were Axel's thoughts. Axel shouldn't be judging though. He looked like a piece of trash you would pick up in a low-talk, underground venue, which is someone you don't take home to mom.

Also, stereotypes are bad.

You win this round emo boy.

They both walked into the living room and the boy said,

"There seems to be jam on your walls"

Axel's face took on the look of, 'oh-you-don't-say'.

"Zexion, where'd you go?" Kairi yelled from the other room.

"I'm in here." He replied as he went to the kitchen for some paper towels. Zexion wet them and attempted to wipe of the strawberry substance. It came off... kind of. It had a hardened top layer with a sticky one underneath, and underneath that was a washed out red stain. It looked like they lived in a murder house. Axel didn't want to live in a murder house. Kairi entered the room with some clothes on, thank god. Axel towered over her with his hands on her shoulders.

"The fuck, dude?"

"Crazy night?" Kairi answered innocently while shrugging her shoulders.

"No. Fuck that answer. Fuck you. Clean the damn walls."

"I'll clean the walls when you get a job." She stuck out her tongue.

"You know what." Axel left the room and slammed the front door behind him.

"Do you think he thought we slept together?" Zexion spoke up. He was sitting on the couch now. The paper towels he used to get a little bit of the jam off the wall were discarded on the floor.

"Probably. Right now I'm still wondering if we slept together." Kairi said yawning, "did we?" She stretched out across the floor. It smelled like cigarettes and dirt.

Zexion chuckled to himself, "No, you're not my type."

"Well Mr. Rudey-poo, help me pick up all these cups."

**llllllllll**

"Roxas!" Axel knocked on the door, "Roxas, it's an emergency! The world is about to end, and I'm about to die a slow, terrible death."

No answer.

"Roxas, I'm bleeding. It's everywhere. Oh God, what have I done?"

No answer.

This probably looked a little odd to a stranger on the outskirts. Axel was basically yelling at the door with hastily thrown on attire. He decided with a white oxford and a black tie. Maybe the ripped jean shorts and combat boots weren't the classiest statement, but hell, you couldn't hate on a man for trying.

"Roxas, I swear, if you do not open this door I will pee on it... again! And this time I'll be aware of it. It's going to be every-"

The door slammed open just as Axel was pulling out his cock. He quickly put it back in before anyone realized anything.

"What" Roxas grunted. He didn't look too happy. The blonde was still in his pajamas with hair spikes that stuck out at all angles. His eyes were swollen and irritated. The only people Axel had ever seen like this, without partying aspects involved, were his family and Kairi. Axel would include his girlfriends, but they were usually early birds. Axel could of sworn he heard a faint sniffle.

"Woah, woah, little buddy. What's wrong?"

"None of your business. Go away." Roxas spat. Axel concluded that Roxas was a little bitch. Okay, maybe that was a tad rash.

Microscopic bitch.

"This about Vanitas?" Axel raised an eyebrow as Roxas' eyes widened.

"How did you...?"

"Saw that he never came home. Fuck that noise. Come job hunting with me." Axel grabbed the boy's arms and dragged him along the sidewalk. Roxas was rushing to keep up with him.

"But I'm not dressed!" He dejected.

"You look beautiful!" Axel laughed, "Don't worry about it."

Axel should have turned around at that instant, because Roxas had a huge grin across his face.

* * *

><p>what'd you think? Leave a review. PM me. Yell at me. Do whatever. I'll still love you.<p> 


	7. Frozen Yogurt and Jobs

So this chapter is so short because I'm trying to get into the swing of writing again. I'm so sorry for not updating... for a year. I'm an ass. I hope you guys don't hate me, because I love you. So thank you, loyal readers, for being the best and putting up with all my shit. Please, don't throw rocks at me for finally updating with this tiny little thing.

* * *

><p>Axel's job hunting as always proved to be unsuccessful, but if there is a positive side to it he got to hang out with a cute Roxas all day long.<p>

And by all day long he meant a couple hours. But still, it's progress.

The red head was still an unemployed bastard sharing an apartment with a orange juice chugging, Jerry Springer watching machine.

"So, what are you going to do for money?" Roxas said as he seductively licked the spoon full of vanilla from yogurt. He's doing this on purpose.

"I don't know" Axel sat there with his stomach rumbling, "sell my body?" His eyebrow perked with this statement. "Want to be first?" He did a comical wink. Roxas actually chuckled. Maybe the plan to swoon the small beauty was falling into place. Sadly, in the end it could have been caused by heartbreak, but hopefully it was caused by Axel being a steaming sex god in a tall human body.

We'll never find out.

"Seriously though, do you have any talents?" Roxas dug deeper still eating that delectable dessert like some form of porn star. What was this?

"I can type 24 words a minute."

"Axel, that's not impressive at all. That's actually under the average". Roxas always had to shut someone down. Damn you, Roxas. Damn you. Axel thought that was impressive, but he had not touched a computer since middle school. He was pretty sure there was an old MySpace laying around somewhere in the internet. That was terrifying to him. Middle school, man, it wasn't a good couple years for anyone, unless their prime was in middle school. If so, that's pretty pathetic. Middle school was the time where Axel was obsessed with K-Pop.

No. Just no.

Axel sent up an apology to his mother and father for that awful phase and continued to watch Roxas lustfully as he ate his dessert. This was the creepiest that Axel ever felt.

"Maybe I could become one of those cool punk rockers and be homeless. Then I'll learn how to play guitar. I'll gain money by singing about my sorrows and my alcohol addiction on street corners!" Axel was genuinely excited about this one.

"How about no? You're not even an alcoholic." Once again, there goes Roxas shutting down dreams.

"That's the only reason you dislike the idea?" Axel laughed.

"I dislike the idea because it's stupid".

"Oh, well then".

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII

After dropping Axel off, Roxas came home to a hungover Vanitas, and they had a hungover Vanitas-Roxas fight. It went a little something like this:

"You said you would come home last night!"

"Yeah, and I also said don't wait up."

"But it's morning. You lied! Why do you keep doing this? It's infuriating!"

"You need to mind your own business!"

"Your business is my business! That's kind of what happens when you're dating someone!"

And then to add more fuel to this already fire Vanitas revealed a lovely gem that made his perfect boyfriend exterior not very shiny anymore.

"You want to know what I did that bad, yeah?" Vanitas asked. He knew he was going to come out on top, no matter what.

"Yes, I would like to know what you did since you've blatantly went drinking last night".

"I cheated on you with my co-worker," said the yellow eyed boy.

"Oh." Roxas said meekly. "Well I guess you can get your stuff and go".

"This is my apartment!"

Roxas didn't think of that.

"Well I guess I can get my stuff and go!" Roxas was trying to save the last bit of dignity he had. "It's over!" He said while quickly packing up all his things.

Roxas was hurt, and now he had no where to go. Everything happened so quickly that he still couldn't even catch his breath. He felt betrayed and unworthy of anyone's affections. Fighting back tears Roxas knocked on Kairi's, and what you could call Axel's, door. And of course, Axel answered. Once he noticed Roxas' tears he immediately softened up and grew a concerned look on his face.

"Hey buddy," he said, hesitantly placing a hand on Roxas' shoulder, "you okay?"

"I need... I need a place to stay!" He burst out into tears, "Vanitas and Vanitas and apartments and my stuff and..." He took a heavy breath, "co workers and cheating and what am I to do?"

"Yes" was all Axel could respond with. What?

* * *

><p>Okay, what did you think? Once again SORRY D:<p>

Love you guys.


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